CHEATER MENTALITY as explained by J. Cole

“All a nigga know is how to fuck a good thing up.”

How many times have you heard a girl say something along those lines? Or something like: A guy will fuck anyone and anything, ugly or pretty, so it doesn’t matter if you gain a few pounds or aren’t the most beautiful girl in the room. It obviously assumes the female sex has nothing better to do than try and be noticed by a man, and while this is true in some cases, a woman should have the self-respect to make her own decisions to be her best self. But J. Cole in “Kevin’s Heart” reveals the inner thoughts of a man guilty

“Guilt make a nigga feel fake when he smile”

about loving someone he has/is thinking about cheating on. I think he succinctly and brilliantly explains this traditionally masculine coded thought-process in the verse below:

“Wanna have my cake and another cake too
Even if the baker don’t bake like you
Even when the flavor don’t taste like you”

He treats women as treats, here “cake” and earlier,

“But I’m only human, I know loving you’s a crime
If I take this cookie now one day I’ll do the time”

He aptly identifies this mentality as childish, and questions whether he actually loves the girl he is thinking about cheating on:

“Love get confused in the mind of a child
‘Cause love wouldn’t lie like I lie and it’s wild”

Clearly, the girl is worth it to him, since he repeats:

“My girl she got a diploma (smoke)
She got wife written all over
She got wife written all over”

But, putting all that aside I LOVEE the song and J. Cole’s cute echo of the pun:

“I get the skirt when I want (skrrt!)
I get the skirt when I want (skrrt!)”

Milan Kundera, writing The Unbearable Lightness of Being, argues that sex is “aggressive[ly] stupid.” & since, “during any kind of dream men have erections, which means that the link between erections and naked women is only one of a thousand ways the Creator can set the clockwork moving in a man’s head. And what has love in common with all this? Nothing. If a cogwheel in Tomas’s head goes out of phase and he is excited by seeing a swallow, it has absolutely no effect on his love for Tereza. If excitement is a mechanism our Creator uses for His own amusement, love is something that belongs to us alone and enables us to flee the Creator. Love is our freedom. Love lies beyond Es muss sein! Though that is not entirely true. Even if love is something other than a clockwork of sex that the Creator uses for His own amusement, it is still attached to it. It is attached to it like a tender naked woman to the pendulum of an enormous clock. Thomas thought: Attaching love to sex is one of the most bizarre ideas the Creator ever had.”

Whether you decide to read the book or just listen to the song or both or neither, I hope you agree with Tomas’ last statement, and he being a notorious womanizer. The point Kundera makes goes further when you consider that Cole penned the song referencing Kevin Hart, who in December 2017 publicly admitted having cheated on his pregnant wife. Cole uses the actor/comedian’s infidelity as a metaphor for the irresistible draw of addiction:

“Slip me a xanny at once (somebody)”

“Kevin’s Heart” from Cole’s album KOD, or Kidz On Drugz, King Overdose, & Kill Our Demonz.

Whether or not he needs the xanny to forget his infidelity, and whether or not you think sex is a drug, it joins songs that feature struggles with addiction and even alter-egos, joining artists like Kid Cudi and others.


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